Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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