how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize