I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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