I wish I could punch you in the face.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
