He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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