he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
3 2 1 whiskey
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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