just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
