Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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