goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize