and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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