so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
