You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
