me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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