3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
