I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
