I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
