if you like me you must not know who I am
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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