did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
