FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize