your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
