I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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