What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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