Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
