Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i love accidental penises.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
