end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize