If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
