jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
