I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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