the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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