I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
