I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
