How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
