Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
