you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My penis needs a shock collar
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
