I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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