we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
