the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
