I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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