You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
