dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
