Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
