You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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