I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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