he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
