This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
