I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
