I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
