what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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