I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
