I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Found the puke drawer
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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