why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
third nipple confirmed
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
