Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
