Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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