hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
