and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
