Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
