Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
