Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize