i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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