hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
