I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
