You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize