And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
vagina is talking i cant
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
