He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
