y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
