the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize