I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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