The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
