Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
