i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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