A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
