I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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