im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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