so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
