we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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