hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
