I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
