Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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