I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
