I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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