Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
