I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
