Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
