god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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