we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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