sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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