I showed him my bush... on skype.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
