this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
