The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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