So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
sex in a hospital.. check
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
