There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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