we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
