my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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