So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
