Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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